Tag Archives: directions

Fruity Crumble Bars of Amazingness

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Okay.  So once upon a time there was this blog called F-Words and let me just tell you…it was a fantastic food blog.  Yeah…remember when I used to post recipes on here?  I’m not sure what happened bake stand but it could have something to do with the bake stand fact that I haven’t been feeling too inspired since the bake stand lately.  But either way, I felt inspired yesterday because I quit the bake stand and made these delicious little bars AND I remembered to take a picture because I’m not preoccupied by the bake stand.

I feel like I need to get something off my chest I hated doing the bake stand, but I just can’t think of what it was.

…and I ain’t talkin’ ’bout no peanut butter cookies.

Oh, now I remember.  I HATED DOING THE BAKE STAND!  I’d do my day with the kids (I have three kids under four – it’s not exactly a walk in the park – unless we go for a walk in the park that day, then I suppose it is exactly a walk in the park, but you get what I’m driving at here), then I spent EVERY NIGHT alternating between baking and BEGGING for sleep.  Then at the end of all that, I got to stand there, at the market, and watch all of my hard work melt in the sweltering heat, sweating like a fiend.  Then the icing on the cake (pun intended) was that I ended up making a cool $30 profit every week.  I know, it sounds spectacular, but it wasn’t.

I actually ended up going to a therapy session because of the stress of it all (combined with the financial horror that is my bank account), where my therapist said, “But you can bake in the day time can’t you?”  And I was frankly, just too stunned to answer.  I finally said, “A greater woman than myself could probably do it, but I’d end up putting a kid in the oven or making some other horrifying mistake.”  I started going into this huge defensive rant, then realized, this woman has no idea what the f*@k goes on in my house so maybe I should I rethink this whole asking her to therapize my BRAIN thing?!?!?!

Anyway…I have another appointment in 2 weeks.

Back to the bars.  Hey, that sounds like a movie or something.

Back to the Bars – The Lora Banks Story.  A chilling tale of a mother gone mad, searching for meaning in life in the bottom of every whiskey sour she can find in this 3 bar town.

Okay for real, back to the bars.

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Coconut Mango Cake

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Okay.  I don’t want this post to be clouded by your self-loathing for never having thought of this yourself.  After a few days of major soul searching, I have come to terms with it myself, and suggest you do the same.  So let’s begin with a little self-affirmation.  Repeat after me:

“I can’t think of everything.  I am human, and humans are erred by nature.  Everyone has different talents, thinking of the most genius thing EVER is not one of mine, and that, is okay.  I forgive myself.”

Do not move on to the following sentence without having a full sense of peace.  Take a deep breath, and read the following GENIUS two words.

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AMAZING Espresso Buttercream

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Okay.

So, I was charged with making cupcakes for my cousin’s baby shower.  Intimidating?  A little.  But to add to it, my cousin and our friend who was also in attendance, are my weight-loss buddies.  If you’re going to ask someone who you’re supposed to be supporting, to vacate their diet for ANY reason, it better be a damn delicious reason.  So I had to come up with something really good.

I did.

Alright…busted.  These are not the ACTUAL cupcakes I made for the shower…but there was a rush, I tell ya, yeah, a real rush, and I was late, and in the kerfuffle I forgot to take a picture.  Have you ever taken a picture in a kerfuffle?  It’s not easy, so lay off man.   I made chocolate cupcakes for the shower, so use your brain and imagine your own damn picture.  Hmpf. Continue reading →

My Feelings on Martha Stewart Recipes

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I ALWAYS use Martha Stewart’s cupcake recipes as my basis for any cupcake.  They’re always good.

But here’s the thing.

If Martha says, pour the vanilla into the milk, then you pour that vanilla into that milk and you don’t say nothin’ about it.  If she says, whip the egg whites before folding them in, then there’s no “I don’t feel like whipping the egg whites.”  You put on your prettiest apron, get out the beaters and you whip those egg whites like it ain’t no thing!  And most importantly, if she says “room temperature,” that does not mean microwave to room temperature.  That means if you’ve just pulled the butter out of the fridge, then you also need to pull up a comfy chair and grab a book, because you are going to be sitting there for a while.

Martha Stewart is a convicted felon.  You do not mess with an ex-con.  BTW, can you imagine the shanks she could have made on the inside?  She probably made a whole damn flatware set.  She’s amazing.